


The Confession

by deawrites



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adult Content, Explicit Language, M/M, S1, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 12:35:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5127818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deawrites/pseuds/deawrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's been harboring his attraction to Sam for a decade. He's tired of fighting and now Sam is asking him what the heck is wrong with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Ficlet takes place S1EP4 or 5. (edited and re-posted 8/30/16)
> 
>  
> 
> Any and all feed back welcome. Thank you for reading.

If he looked up right now into his brother's eyes, Dean knew he would tell Sam that he was in love with him. If he dared to allow his gaze to caress the younger male's face, inevitably the closely vested secret; which had formed at Sam's twelfth birthday; would cascade off of his lips and into the space between them. The tension would twist, press down upon Dean's chest, and crush him until he became inert against the weight. Sam's expression would flash in shock, confusion, and finally anger coated in heart wrenching disgust. That was something he could not withstand; ever. Instead, Dean stared unseeing downward, and hoped that it was enough not to speak, let alone make eye contact. As always Sam had other intentions.

 

"So, what? You say my name like you are about to say something and then don't? That's real mature Dean. Thanks." Sam's tone dripped with unveiled sarcasm.  He was about to turn his back to his brother, when Dean reached out and seized his arm. Sam raised his hazel colored stare from the physical contact, and once more to Dean's expression.

 

Dean now chose a button on Sam's shirt to latch his gaze onto and pursed his lips. Even that tempted him to reveal his incestuous secret. Why was it so difficult for him not to feel the words rolling over his tongue tugging, pulling, at him to release them? He was twenty-six years old and not a slave to his whims; or so he had believed; until first contact with Sam a fortnight prior.  He had whisked him away from college life, a near fiancé, and a gaggle of friends that believed Sam to be a civilian.

 

"It ain't like that, Sammy."

 

"It's _Sam_." He corrected Dean with well worn patience. He had endured a mix bag of names while traveling with Dean from 'Dude', to far more grating like 'Princess' and 'Nerd King'.  Why was Dean insistent upon calling him Sammy? Sam wasn't a five-year-old anymore, but rather twenty-fucking-two, thank you very much; and he was entitled to being addressed as an adult. Perhaps he should fight fire with fire and watch his older brother cringe a little every time Sam addressed him as 'Deano' or 'Deanna'. They had been bickering off and on all day, and Sam had just about convinced himself that he would have to be cruel in order to shock Dean out of his present behavior.

 

A slight huff passed between Sam's lips and he continued, "So what _is_ it like, exactly?"

 

Why did Sam have to be so damned inquisitive? It was going to be the death of Dean one day, he suspected. Dean's shoulders rounded forward a bit and he shook his head.

 

"Complicated."

 

"Well then simplify it." Sam crossed his arms and wasn't letting the topic drop. He had been deflected enough times recently that he was not going to allow further misdirection. The bickering was going to stop now, and Dean was either going to tell him something of value, or Sam was going to walk. Fair was fair, and Dean had a propensity to be too tight lipped for their relationship's good.

 

"I-" Dean paused and swallowed. When had his mouth gotten so dry? He took a breath and raised his head, eyes darting to rest upon the solid curve of Sam's chin. "I'm not sure how too."

 

Sam rolled his eyes, and stood his ground digging into the rough, stained, motel carpet with his boot treads. Squaring himself, he was prepared for the verbal fight that was about to erupt, stubbornly charging ahead into it. Enough was enough after all. "Really, Dean?"

 

" _Sam_ ," Dean warned, drawing his younger sibling's name out. He scrapped his gaze upward until it locked upon Sam's inviting lips. Any higher and Dean was going to expose himself for the deviant that he was. "I can't."

 

"No, you don't want to." Sam chided, slowly recognizing that Dean's gaze was cast lower than it should be. What the hell was Dean doing? He had never used physical dissonance to deflect a conversation avenue before. This was different and odd; extremely so. Sam's brow furrowed slightly.

 

"Dean? Why are you staring at my neck?"

 

"Mouth." Dean corrected before he was able to stop himself.

 

"Mouth?"

 

"Yeah." The word was barely mumbled and Dean knew it was far too late to escape with his dignity intact, so he did the only thing he could, and that was turn away. He walked a few steps and scrubbed his left hand down over his mouth, feeling the harsh scrape of whiskers upon his soft palm. "Can we just-"

 

"No." Sam interrupted, predicting Dean's question. "I'm not going to table this. You need to tell me something, and now you're back peddling. It isn't fair, and our hunting together isn't going to work if you start claming up on me now, acting like Dad and just bark orders at me. I don't respond well to that, Dean. You know that. So whatever's on your mind just spit it out."

 

Dean grunted, the sound nearing a growl and he paced a few more steps away from his brother before pivoting to face him. This time, his gaze narrowed upon Sam's features. Damn Sammy and his stubborn ultimatums. And just why in the heck was Dean even considering hurling the vested words at him? Out of spite? To see if Mr. Stipulation Pants could handle what he asked for? Or was it merely because the weight of the secret was crushing Dean, and he wanted liberation no matter what the consequences?

 

No, not freedom at the price of losing his brother's affections. Never that, but at least the opportunity to live without the crippling words locked inside of him forever. So Sam wanted the truth; okay then; he was going to get it. Or so Dean believed, as his lips parted and his voice began gathering within his throat. No words were forth coming, just a rattle of sound that cut off when Dean realized he failed to articulate a single concept past confusion. Sure- declaring the truth was the way to go, right? Right?

 

Sam pulled his lips into a thin line, and cocked his head expectantly at Dean's nonsensical noise. He arched an eyebrow when his older sibling abruptly fell silent seconds later. He could see the passion swimming in Dean's stare, and normally that denoted a barrage of annoyance wrapping anger hurtling at him from Dean's pinched face. This time, his brother stood and stared at him instead.

 

"O-kay." Sam considered aloud drawing out the word. "Wanna try again?"

 

"No." Dean exhaled, abruptly feeling like his chest was going to implode, and head explode simultaneously. Sam's expression sculpted itself into an issued challenge, and Dean swallowed. He took a single step forward and stopped, noting that he was out of the radius of Sam's immediate reach. Safety at a distance when confessing your darkest secret had strict advantages.  Dean took a visible breath than licked his lips, frowning in surrender. "I've been in love with you since you were twelve years old." The words hung in the atmosphere between them like a physical entity.

 

Sam blinked as his mind raced in attempts to make sense of the words his brother blurted at him like he was ripping out stitches; quickly to avoid the prolonging of pain.

 

"Wh-what?"

 

It was a dumb thing to say, as Dean was quite certain Sam had heard him correctly. He was however not about to repeat the words. Once was enough for a lifetime, for like forty-five of them to be more accurate. He could easily tell Sam he loved him, but to change the definition with the addition of just one word, "in" clogged within his throat. No; once was more than enough.

 

"So hate me if you want, I can't fault you that, but you wanted the truth."

 

Sam felt his knees buckle slightly but he stood his ground. He had indeed asked, no, demanded and this was where it had gotten him. Sam reached out for a chair or mattress that was nowhere near him to sit upon, before drawing his arm back to his side. He searched Dean's features, cataloging the rise of his older sibling's anxiety with each passing second of silence from him. Sam gulped down a gasp of air and steadied himself.

 

"You... You're in love with-" His voice faltered, erupting into a soundless exhale and Dean tensed.

 

Secret now exposed, Dean permitted himself to look into Sam's eyes. God, he was so beautiful and had no earthly idea what grace and strength he possessed. Sam was merely Sam, and Dean adored him for his insecurities and shy blushes at being complimented.

 

"Yeah." Dean felt like his heart was lodged within his throat, but he didn't feel like he was choking, but in a sense every time he had spoken to Sam in the past the sensation was the same. Love on his tongue; heart within his throat; desperation aching within his chest; cold abandon churning within his stomach. "You can hate me-"

 

"What?" Sam demanded sharply, feeling like he was falling to his knees. He wasn't, but merely swaying a little bit on his feet as he stared in disbelief at his older brother: his **_EVERYTHING_**. "No. No, Dean. I don't. I could never..."

 

"Love me? I know. I don't make it easy enough as your brother let alone as-" As what? Boyfriend sounded ludicrous while lover felt a bit too hallow. So what could Dean title his position in Sam's life? Dean fell silent and shrugged, his shoulders rounding forward in defeat. "You don't have to, Sam-"

 

"Shut your mouth." Sam clipped, taking a much needed breath. He needed to stop the confessions, the spinning of the world on it's very axis, and the passage of time. He needed to think. Dean's words were clogging his thoughts, stopping the blood within his veins, and the oxygen within his lungs. He just needed a second to think.  To his gratitude Dean fell immediately silent, and merely stared at him awaiting whatever response that Sam was to grant him next.

 

Seconds seemed like an eternity and fear spiked within Dean's chest cavity. If he died like this at least his secret was spoken and his last moments would have been lived free from the burden of shame. So be it. Dean waited and finally Sam seemed to make whatever decision he was struggling to, and reached out and grabbed Dean's biceps, he yanked his older brother towards him and Dean braced himself for the impact of their chests. First that and then the violence of someone desperate to escape; he was ready and would let Sam beat him, after all he deserved everything his little brother was going to inflict upon him.

 

Sam encircled his arms around Dean, his breath coming in fast huffs as he attempted to convince himself that he was indeed breathing. "I would never have been ready at twelve, but I'm ready now." Sam breathed, as he leaned forward. "I'm ready." His lips touched Dean's and the entire room erupted around him. Sam felt Dean's hands grab him, grounding him with touch as if searching for wounds upon his physical body. Dean's tongue was in his mouth seeking, laving and exploring the depths Sam didn't know existed until now. No one had ever kissed him this thoroughly, this passionate or intensely before. All the other kisses he had ever experienced were left in ashes now that he had Dean's kiss tearing through his senses.

 

Dean was like a force of nature washing over him, and crushing him into a million pieces. Shattered edges that fused back together into something new, something impenetrable, brilliant and made of pure need and security.  Sam lost himself within the kiss and found Dean waiting for him lovingly on the opposite side. When their kiss finally severed, Sam's gaze held Dean's and he knew without a doubt that his brother was just as affected and moved by their union as he himself was.

 

"How could I ever hate you Dean when you're my everything?"

 

Dean pressed a palm to Sam's cheek and smiled reassuringly at his younger sibling. "I know you loved Jess. I'm sorry she's dead but,"

 

"No," Sam gently shushed Dean. "You don't have to. I know. Yeah, I did love her but it was nothing like, like what you and I have. I just didn't allow myself to see it. I wanted so much to have what everyone else had. I thought that I could be one of them and the truth is, Dean; I know I never can. I wasn't raised to be a part of that, but it doesn't mean that I can't be happy; that I don't have something just as fulfilling right here with you." Sam leaned into Dean's touch and he smiled, re-positioning his arms tighter around his sibling.  "Tell me again. I want to hear you say the words. Please?"

 

Dean's cheeks colored lightly at the request, but he was not able to keep from telling Sam what he wanted to hear even if he tried. "I love you, Sammy. Always have and always will."

 

Sam leaned into their new kiss and shuddered with joy as both of Dean's hands raised up to cradle his face within their palms. If this was what happiness was he realized, he had never experienced it so raw and enrapturing as he now did. He liked the feeling and gave himself over completely to it sensing that Dean was doing the exact same.


End file.
